What if I told you that “venting” isn’t what we think it is?
The next day is Sunday, and you get up with the joy of the Lord and make your way to church, where you see Susan happily greeting everyone. Then Jeff comes over to speak to you and says, “It’s so annoying seeing Susan over there all happy after what she said to you.” Then he walks away and begins a conversation with Angie*. You catch a glimpse of them eyeing Susan from across the sanctuary, but it’s probably nothing, right?
After service ends, Susan comes over and apologizes for the negativity she’s been giving you. She explains all that’s been going on in her world – the loss of a loved one, a lack of funds preventing her to travel for the funeral services, and your heart is moved with compassion. You forgive her, and then offer to pray with her. All is well between you and Susan.
But Jeff and Angie (and anyone else they’ve spoken to) have no idea about this. You’ve moved on; they haven’t. And now Susan, who is already dealing with her own familial heartache, is ostracized by the very community that should be loving her.
It’s probably nothing… right?
All because you needed to air your frustrations in a moment.
(*names have been changed to protect the innocent… actually, this is an entirely hypothetical situation, so everyone is innocent… ok, like mostly hypothetical…)
That feeling you have to unload everything in a moment? It’s not what you think it is. It’s not venting. It’s gossip. And it’s sin.
Gossip is not just telling other people’s stuff; gossip is also when you tell your stuff to other people. In the telling, we project our feelings about the person or topic, thereby infecting the listener with our own toxicity.
And it’s not worth it.
“But everyone needs someone to talk to!” Yeah, ok. I agree. But not everyone can take it. Only one person I know can handle all of it, all the time, and still love all parties involved: Jesus. Talk to Him.
Talk to Jesus first.
But do not expect broken humanity to execute heavenly abilities. This is a recipe for relational dysfunction, and that’s the primary goal of the enemy of our souls. If Satan can damage the relationship that God’s people have with 1) God and 2) God’s children, then he has won. Bonus points if he can get it to happen in God’s own house.
A better focus? Bring heaven to earth in the way we talk to and about each other. Can you imagine a church where the culture was to talk about people behind their backs in the best possible way? Just think of the whispers you’d hear in the lobby…
“Did you see sister so-and-so’s outfit on stage? She was stunning!”
“I think the way brother so-and-so is leading the hospitality ministry is phenomenal. I feel so welcomed here, and I would love to serve under his leadership!”
From the superficial to the profound…
“It’s incredible how that leader prays diligently for her team. I can just tell by the way she speaks about them.”
“The ability he has to break scripture down in a way that inspires others to read should be commended.”
What if we brought the culture of heaven to earth simply by doing what Heaven already commanded?
What if we brought the culture of heaven to earth simply by doing what Heaven already commanded? Proverbs 18:20-21 in the NLT says:
Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
What if we were wise with our words? I know we need to unload sometimes – I’m not saying we can’t. But I am saying that I think we spend too much time focused on what feels right for us and not enough time thinking about what our “right” might do to someone else. Or worse… how it might compromise our mission.
So let your words be wise and few. Those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Solomon said so right there in Proverbs. And, though he made some questionable life choices, I think we ought to take the word of the wisest man to ever live.
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