There are some people and some circumstances in which long-suffering becomes detrimental.
I’ve always been there for her, since she was 4 years old. Through many difficult situations, I’ve done my best to love her, support her, and speak truth to her. During one particular lunch date, I listened intently as she laid out all the reasons she no longer believed in God.
It broke my heart, but I was cautious not to let my face react. One of her reasons for God’s nonexistence was the judgement of other Christians. So I figured the worst thing I could do in the moment was to let my face convey my disappointment.
Besides, I shouldn’t be surprised. Even though she was raised in the church, culture was putting up a really good fight for her faith. And for now, culture has won.
Still, I continue to show her love. I continue to listen when she speaks. I continue to advise when she asks for it, though we’ve both acknowledged that my advice is going to come with a Christian bend. I don’t apologize or hold back when it comes to my faith. I’ve simply asked that she accept me as I accept her. And she agrees.
Suffer or Surrender?
But lately, there have been some behaviors I can no longer accept.
Today, I opened my instagram account to reply to a DM, and I saw the note she had posted to her account. It was a simple statement, with language that I won’t repeat here. Two words, and the second word was “you.” Just out there. For the world to see. I took a screenshot of it, then texted her the photo, along with a note that she might try being a little kinder to the world.
Of course, she let me know that it was an inside joke and she didn’t realize it was public facing. To which I replied, “Whatever you say.” She laughed at it, and I’m sure she thinks I’m just kidding around. I’m not joking. I am, however, done with this. It’s quittin’ time for me.
Am I giving up on her? No.
Will I stop praying for her? Never.
Do I still believe God can and will redeem her? With every fiber of my being.
Stop letting this break your heart.
But I’m done. I don’t know entirely what “done” entails yet. This all just happened about 2 hours ago. When I saw that message, and I got her text response, I also heard the Holy Spirit say, “Stop letting this break your heart. Trade your burden for mine.”
I think I’ll probably end up having a conversation with her, letting her know that her anger is seen and felt by many, not just her parents, and that has consequences. One of those consequences is that people don’t want to be around you anymore. They don’t want to be subjected to constant ridicule and judgement (oh the irony of judgement from the ones who hate being judged…)
I’ll probably let her know that I love her and will always be there for her, but I no longer enjoy her company. I’ll probably remind her that we promised to tell each other the truth, and that this is the truth: her anger is off putting and life is currently devoid of purpose and meaning. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ll probably make one last effort to let her hear the truth and the power of the gospel to set her free from the angst she thinks she has to live with.
And then? I’ll quit.
I’ll quit trying to convince her. I’ll quit allowing her renouncement of the faith to hinder my own. I’ll quit trying to understand her reasons. They never make sense anyway.
I will quit. Because when I quit trying, the path is clear for God to step in. No one comes to father unless I persevere? That’s not quite right.
No one comes to the Father unless He draws them.
There we go.
Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are grown they will not depart from it.
Yes. That.
No one comes to the Father unless He draws them.
Thank you for sharing, I’ve missed your insight.