Trust your training.
And just drive.
It was one of those seasons where retreat seemed like the best option. A moment away from the rest of the world. Alone with the Father. Retreat. Restoration. Redemption.
And now, a re-emerging.
Some stuff is better. Like the car being covered by insurance with no deductible. Thank you, Lord!
Some stuff is lingering and answers evade me. But nothing evades God. He sees all, and He is Lord over all. And my time alone with Him has afforded me the grace to truly believe that again.
A little while ago, before this blog break, I was on my way to work in the rain. To get to the church, you have to go up a winding hill, and on this particularly thunderstorm-y day, the hill was not playing fair.
There was a car in front of me with what appeared to be a young female driver… teenager-ish, I would say. From the looks of it, this might have been one of her first stormy days behind the wheel.
Giving up is different from surrender.
As we approached the first sharp, uphill turn, she chose to play it safe and took the turn extremely slowly. The problem with this approach is that you’re not gonna get anywhere. You’re heading uphill. It takes momentum to make that happen, so even though you’re on sharp turn, you still gotta give it some gas. It’s not scary. It’s just physics.
My first reaction was to check the clock, annoyed that this encounter might make me 2 minutes late. But there weren’t any meetings that day; in fact, no one else was even going to be there. I was going in on staff day off because I needed some extra time in the office. So who cares if I’m 2 minutes late?
Realizing that timing wasn’t an issue, my attention turned to the driver in front of me. Now, full disclosure, my usual response to a fellow road warrior warring in a way that displeases me is not kind. More like … frustrated. Possibly angry. I’m still being sanctified.
God is not tired of you.
But this day, to my surprise, I found myself encouraging the girl in front of me from behind the wheel. Must have had an extra long quiet time that morning.
“Ok baby girl, you can do this. I know it feels safer to hit the brakes, but you can’t do that right now. You’re gonna have to hit the gas pedal. You can’t be scared. Trust your car, trust your training, and just drive.”
That’s exactly what I said. I know this because I was recording a voice memo to my friend while I was driving, and this made it into the recording. I played it back and realized this was more than just encouragement from me to this anonymous driver ahead.
This was the Lord speaking to me.
Tired, rundown, on-the-brink-of-giving-up me.
I was at a point where it seemed like giving up was easier than staying in faith. Never giving up on God and pursuing some other way of life. But giving up on the truth of His grace and goodness and love for us. Giving up on the promise that He will give me the desires of my heart as I make Him my true delight.
God is speaks life
over you because there’s
still life in you.
Giving up is different from surrender. Surrender takes faith. Giving up implies that we no longer believe God will do it.
So, to the one who finds themselves on the brink of giving up, I pray you’ll listen for Him to speak a word you need right when you need it.
If your little car is barely making it up the hill…
If you’re feeling God is most certainly tired of you dealing with the same old struggles…
Retreat.
Back into His arms, listening for His voice.
I promise you… God isn’t tired of you. He isn’t frustrated that you’re not over it. He’s not sitting in the car behind you yelling instructions at you or berating your choices.
You can feel the fear. But you can’t take it on as part of your identity.
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