Sometimes, when we’ve gone through tough seasons, God will mandate that we rest. And if we don’t listen, He’ll force it.
The last month has been kind of treacherous. First, there was the unexpected passing of the family dog. Two days later, my father underwent a difficult, albeit planned, surgery. The next week, one of my pups got extremely sick and took multiple days and multiple vet visits to recover ($$$).
During all of this, changes were coming at work – good changes, but changes nonetheless – and I found myself unexpectedly grieving the shift. And I didn’t take any time to process any of this.
It was one thing after another, one routine-interrupter after another. None of which is easy for this particular creature of habit. Some of this was good, some of it was hard. And all of it happened while my job had to carry on. Work still had to be done. Disciples still had to be made.
The emotional roller coaster was in full effect, and I wasn’t processing it.
I didn’t take any time to process any of this.
I kept working, mostly because I love what I do. I’m a worship leader – what’s to complain about? I spend my workdays with brothers and sisters in Christ preparing to lead His people in worship, among other holy causes. Talk about a cushy gig.
Then, about two days after my pup recovered, I woke up on a Monday morning sounding more like a baritone than the belty soprano that I am. I chalked it up to just being tired, and I went to work. Engaged in all my meetings. Didn’t adjust one single bit to accommodate that vocal strain I was dealing with.
Got home that night, felt a little off, so I took a covid test. Negative. Went to bed and set my alarm for another early morning. Woke up at 3 am with a raging fever. Ok, I’ll take the day off. Rest a little. It’ll be fine.
It wasn’t fine.
It wasn’t fine. I went to the doctor – just to be safe – late that afternoon. Flu test was negative. Covid test was negative. Summer cold. “You can go back to work whenever you feel like it.” Called my bosses (aka my pastors) and gave them the update: “I’ll be back at work tomorrow!”
I was not back at work tomorrow. Temperature spiked to 103. Hung out there for a bit. I began to question those negative test results and self-diagnosed. It was the flu. Had to be. Fever broke. Then spiked. Then broke again. For two days.
Then, as I was finally feeling better, the cough set in. She’s still here. Totally overstayed her welcome. For 9 days now, I have been made to lie down. The only symptoms I had were fever and cough. No sore throat, despite the coughing. No real logical symptoms.
It’s as if God was forcing the issue – Kylie, you will rest. You will process. You will not carry baggage that I did not give you. Stop, process. Sit with me. For goodness sake, just sit down.
Fine. I’m sitting.
When He makes us lie down, it’s not only for our immediate good, but for our future good.
About a week ago, in peak sick mode, I hopped on FaceTime with some other worship leaders for a songwriting session. I could barely speak without coughing, but I was desperate for community. I’d been in isolation with this sickness for too long, and turns out, I’m not the introvert I thought I was.
I’d previously sent a voice memo about a conversation I’d had with God, and my co-writers said they felt there was something to that – perhaps it should be the basis for this particular song we were working on. And it hit me: I’d been home alone, sick, and though I’d been praying, I hadn’t opened my Bible.
Jeez, Kylie, maybe that’s why you felt so alone.
I blamed the fever and my lack of energy. But the truth was, I was simply out of my routine. Time with God had become routine, and when that was disrupted, I let it go. I still talked to God, but I wasn’t listening for Him.
May we be quicker to recognize that this interruption might just be His opportunity to speak.
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