Nothing is wrong. But also, nothing is totally right yet. And everything feels exhausting.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7, NLT
What am I carrying that I was only meant to cast? A lot. Maybe all of it. Definitely all of it.
*Googles How to cast your cares on God*
Actually, we don’t need google for this. God has plenty to say about it. I’ve read it all before. You probably have, too.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and petition present your requests to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 in the New Living Kylie translation, straight from my memory. Great verse. Why isn’t it working?
He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Him, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3. But this doesn’t feel like peace. What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing wrong?
20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life. 22 And have mercy on some, who are doubting;
Jude 20-22
There it is. That’s what I needed. For some reason, this passage that I memorized long ago came flooding into my mind. So I looked it up. Now, before I go further, let me give this disclaimer: I know what the book of Jude is about. But there was something I saw when I turned to this passage of scripture, and it showed me what was missing. The words that I first laid eyes on told me everything I needed to know about my condition, though it will seem like I’m taking it out of context here. Just know that I know.
There was something I saw when I turned to this passage of scripture, and it showed me what was missing.
It was the last four words of verse 19 heading into the first two words of verse 20: devoid of the Spirit. But you… But me. I’m not supposed to be devoid of the Spirit. What is the fruit – the evidence – of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. What am I missing right now? Peace. Joy. Faithfulness. Do I really need to list them all again?
I need you, Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on some, who are doubting. That’s me in verse 22. Doubting. Have mercy on myself? I’m not very good at that. I don’t often need to be corrected for something I’m unaware of. It happens, sure, but if I’ve messed up, or if I’m wrong, I typically know and am already beating myself up about it before anyone else has to bring it to my attention. The idea of having grace for myself at all, let alone for a lack of faith in the character of my King… that’s a toughie.
I need you, Holy Spirit.
Build yourself up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. That’s the how-to I’ve been looking for. Pray. But pray with Him. I can’t do that if I’m too afraid to sit with Him. Time to face the Truth.
If I were the enemy, I’d try to convince God’s people that He didn’t care. Because then, they wouldn’t trust Him. And if they didn’t trust Him, they wouldn’t obey Him. And if they stopped obeying Him, then they’d stop believing in Him. If they stopped believing in Him, they’d be mine forever. And all it would take is one opportune moment of doubt.
Spoiler alert: Satan already did that with Eve in the garden. “Did God really say…” is a moment that cast doubt not only on God’s words, but on His character; an attempt to engage the woman in a conversation that would allow him to rebut the Creator’s claims, eventually driving home the point that God was holding out on her.
All it would take is one opportune moment of doubt.
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