Pruning is an expression of the Father’s love for us, a demonstration of His unwillingness to let us remain unfruitful.
Honestly, this isn’t exactly a fun process. But it is merciful. Pruning is an expression of the Father’s love for us, a demonstration of His unwillingness to let us remain unfruitful. He painstakingly surveys our lives, not missing a single detail. And with a constant, steady hand, He makes the first cut, trimming away that which no longer serves His purpose.
As He has faithfully revealed the things that need to go, it left me questioning, “Ok Lord, so how do we fix this? What comes next?”
And thus began my discussion – debate? – with God. It went something like this…
Me: So how do we fix this?
Him: Do what you know.
Me: But what I knew got me here. I need to know new things.
Him: Do what you know.
Me: Ok, so I know You’re always listening, but I don’t think you’re actually hearing me right now.
Him: I said what I said.
And that was pretty much the end of that.
There was no frustration on my end – just gratitude that my stubborn, needs-answers-now self is no match for a God who not only knows I’m going to react this way and loves me the same, but also is unmoved by my willfulness. He never changes, no matter how persuasive I think I am. And yet, He is compassionate enough to hear our cries and lovingly respond when the time comes.
He never changes, no matter how persuasive we think we are. And yet, He is compassionate enough to hear our cries and lovingly respond when the time comes.
Now it was on me to first, recall the things I already know to do, and then pursue them again with newfound diligence. So I let my inner-administrator take over, and I made a list of all the things I know to do when it comes to pursuing Jesus: pray, worship, fast, read my Bible. That’s all I could come up with – four spiritual disciplines that had never failed me before.
So why wasn’t it working now?
Have you ever felt that way? Like it’s just not working? Some call it a dry season. Others may describe it by saying “God feels distant.” Whatever language you use, I knew that I was doing my best to keep these disciplines, but I was still having trouble with this prideful, self-centered way of thinking about God.
Then it hit me: spiritual disciplines. Had I been disciplined in all these areas? The honest answer was “No.”
Prayer? Check.
Worship? Check.
Fasting? Check… ish. There’s a discipline of fasting in my life, but it had been a while since I’d personally – not corporately – fasted.
Reading the Word? Oof.
That was the culprit. Not that I wasn’t reading anything in the Bible – I was. But I was reading aimlessly. I had finished my 2-years-long plan to read the entire Bible chronologically about 2 months prior, and since then, I hadn’t started a new one. So instead, I’d begun a new routine of waking up, walking the dogs, making coffee, grabbing my Bible, and taking a guess, usually ending up somewhere in the Psalms.
If I’m not disciplined in the way I follow Jesus, then am I really a good disciple?
Now, reading your Bible at all is a win. But aimless reading isn’t disciplined reading, and I had to wonder, “If I’m not disciplined in the way I follow Jesus, then am I really a good disciple?”
I happen to sit under a pastor who not only preaches the Bible with forensic accuracy, but also teaches seminary courses on how to read and study the Word. Courses that he has adapted for our church at large. Courses he has taught me how to teach! This stuff is ingrained in me. I absolutely knew better. What on earth was I thinking?!
Side note to my pastor who I’m pretty sure reads these blogs… I promise this story ends well and I have not forgotten your teachings… just having a moment of transparency here.
Do what you know. I’d been doing something, but I’d not been disciplined. If I was back in the Southern Baptist church I’d grown up in, this conviction would have been enough to send me out of my pew and down that center aisle on a long walk of repentance.
So in that very moment, I grabbed my Bible, sat in the Jesus corner of my couch, and I started over. The Word of God is alive and active, no matter how many times I read it. I didn’t waste time looking for a new 8- or 12-week reading plan. I simply started over with the plan I’d already completed.
I did what I knew without wasting a single second more.
Genesis 1:1: In the beginning God…
Not Kylie. God.
Everything starts with Him. And it felt so good to fix my focus once again.
We’ve said it before in our conversations, but it bears repeating: the enemy of our souls is crafty. All it took – even after a couple decades of diligent pursuit of God’s word – was a few weeks of lackadaisical approach to reading my Bible for self-centered Christianity (that’s gotta be an oxymoron) to kick in.
He used my frustration with His perceived inaction to highlight this place where my own actions had become complacent.
It was a sneak attack. Praise God for the conviction of the Holy Spirit that kept me from falling too far down that rabbit hole. The sum total of my time spent wholeheartedly devouring the Scriptures is far more than what occurred in the couple months of “Eh…maybe this Psalm today?” But all the enemy needs is a foothold, and I gave it to him.
What seemed like a season of frustration – “God why won’t You just do this for me? Why am I still waiting? Don’t You see how hard this is?” – was actually a season of disconnection from God’s word. And that of my own doing. But He used my frustration with His perceived inaction to highlight this place where my own actions had become complacent. To quote my aforementioned pastor, Dr. Brian Taylor, “God cares more about our holiness than our happiness.”
“God cares more about our holiness than our happiness.”
Dr. Brian Taylor
I’ve had so many NEEDS in recent months, experienced many losses. Out of concern for those I love I’ve had a “cut to the chase” kind of prayer life, skipping over the “praise Gods” and going directly to the “please Gods!” That leads to disappointment because my measure of God becomes what He does for me rather than who He is to me. I love that you used the word “discipline.” That means I must have a habit of praise even when I don’t feel like it. As I recently read someplace I must “do what I know.” 😘
Amen! Loved the explanation of the “Please Gods” and the “Praise Gods!”
So good, Mama P! It is true! What you wrote really spoke to me! God help me to focus more on praising so my focus is more on You! The way it spoke to me is if I focus more on praising God than on my wants and needs, it becomes more about Him and takes my eyes off of self and keeps my focus on Him! Phil. 4:6 came to mind as I was writing this. That verse is so powerful!
Wow! There is so much meat in this blog. I have been going through some serious pruning myself. I did not realize there needed to be so much Spiritual surgery and pruning until the last month. I knew I needed God to work in my life in a mighty way but didn’t realize how much mess needed to be cleaned up. The interesting thing I was thinking about yesterday was I was also evaluating the Spiritual disciplines and was thinking back to a conservation I had with Dr. Cristy probably at least 3 years ago. In that moment she was telling me how I needed to up my Bible reading. I have been made aware of how much I need the word to infiltrate me. I read the Bible but need to focus on really reading to be fed and transformed, not reading while my mind is all over the place. Thank you Kylie for sharing! This really spoke to me and also reminded me to focus on getting more Word in me. It is encouraging to see other people walking the same journey I am walking.