I never used to be like this…
Let me give you some examples: it was observed how often I seek to meet the expectations of my leadership (actually the word used was “please my pastors”). That’s not an incorrect observation. But the conclusion that I seek to please my pastors so that I can have their approval is completely false.
In truth, I consider the satisfaction of my pastors to be like a litmus test to determine if I’m leading in a way that honors God. It’s their job as pastors to shepherd the flock. So sheep Kylie starts going astray, they have a responsibility – one I know they take very seriously – to lovingly bring me back.
It’s not pleasing man; it’s about honoring God and honoring the leaders He calls to serve us.
See what I mean? How easily things can be twisted? We see what we see. But God sees what we can’t.
I started doing things for Jesus, and all of the sudden these false narratives were running rampant
Another example that came out of a conversation with a coworker this week: We were talking about the worship ministry (this person serves on the team I lead) and I let it slip that just about every single week, I question whether or not I’m the person our church wants leading them in worship.
I don’t question my ability, my work ethic, or my training. And I definitely don’t question my relationship with God which is the foundation to every moment of worship I’ve ever been in. I only question whether I’m wanted.
This revelation shocked the person I was talking to. They had no idea I felt this way. I don’t tend to talk about it much (until now, apparently) because I would never want to put someone in the position of feeling like they had to build me up.
I wasn’t looking for compliments by talking about this secret voice in my head. Rather, I was looking to bring this dark thought pattern into the light.
It’s not pleasing man; it’s about honoring God and honoring the leaders He calls to serve us.
Here’s the thing. We all have these secret voices in our head, so let’s talk about it. Where did these things come from? What voices should we listen to? And how do we know the difference?
Two voices compete for our attention: the voice of our God and the voice of our enemy. And this has been happening since Eden. There is nothing new under the sun.
As for which voices we listen to, the Bible has that answer.
21 Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.
22 Then you will destroy all your silver idols
and your precious gold images.
You will throw them out like filthy rags,
saying to them, “Good riddance!”
Isaiah 30:21-22
The voice that guides us into truth will be the voice that leads us away from our own idolatry. His is the voice telling us, “This is the way. Walk in it.” There’s no insecurity in its direction. No self-sufficiency. Nothing that commands you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Where did these things come from? What voices should we listen to? And how do we know the difference?
Only grace. His voice is laden with affirmations like “This is my child in whom I am well-pleased.” We don’t question who we are or whether we’re enough when we listen to the voice of our God. Those questions only come when we are distracted by the voice of the accuser.
Scripture says that Satan is the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10), so I’ve learned to question the thoughts I have about what others are thinking. Only God knows what’s really going on. We see what we see. He sees what’s really there.
I once heard a pastor say that for every step we take away from God, there will be someone there cheering us on. So who cheers for us when we are moving towards God? Shouldn’t the voices of our brothers and sisters in Christ be louder about their encouragement than the world is about our failures?
The voice that guides us into truth will be the voice that leads us away from our own idolatry.
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